National
Guard spouses and partners play an important role in the health and wellbeing of
their Service member. Whether it’s maintaining a household or providing emotional
support, being a partner to a Service member may present greater challenges as well
as greater opportunities to be close to one another. Below, you’ll find information
about:
What to expect when your partner is deployed
How to cope throughout your partner’s service
How to support your loved one
When Your Partner is Deployed
Being apart from your National Guard Service Member, whether they’re on a weekend
drill or away on deployment, can disrupt your family routines, place emotional distance
between you and your spouse or partner, and create feelings of loneliness, fear,
or anxiety. You may also experience a pattern of emotions and behaviors that correlate
with the stages of your loved one’s deployment – also known as the “Emotional Deployment
Cycle”.
Phases of the “Emotional Deployment Cycle”
- Pre-Deployment. At first indication of your partner’s imminent
deployment you may experience:
- Fears of life without your partner
- Confusion, depression, or anger about the future
- Resentment at being left alone
Immediately prior to departure, you may also experience:
- Feeling detached or withdrawn from your partner
- Impatience, irritability, like you’re “ready to get it over with”
- Emotional and/or physical distance between you and your partner
- Heated arguments with your partner
- Deployment. After your loved one departs, you may experience:
- Mixed emotions – numbness, sadness, relief
- Increased feelings of independence and freedom
- Difficulty transitioning into new routines and tasks without your partner
- Loneliness, hopelessness, mental and physical exhaustion
- Trouble sleeping
- Sustainment. Once you’ve adjusted to your loved one’s absence,
you may experience:
- A sense of accomplishment and strength
- More control over your situation
- Anxiety about missing or not receiving communication from your partner
- A change in children’s behavior
- Anticipation for your partner’s homecoming
- Post-Deployment. After your Service member returns, you may experience:
- A honeymoon period
- Feelings of being smothered, or loss of independence
- Difficulty adjusting to your partner’s reintegration into your life
- Emotional distance due to experiences your partner had while deployed
Remember, you may not experience any/all of the steps listed above. No matter how
you react, or how that changes, over your partner’s deployment, be sure to
seek support when you need it.
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How to Cope with your Partner’s Separation
- Create a support network. Find local resources on the JSS Resource
Finder, connect with your local church, synagogue or mosque for support, and connect
with members of your immediate and extended family to ensure that you receive emotional
and household support while your loved one is away.
- Prepare for your loved one’s separation ahead of time. If possible,
collaborate with friends, family and your Service member to set up routines, tasks
and payments before your partner leaves for their duty assignment. This will ensure
a smoother transition into life while your spouse is away.
- Attend a Yellow Ribbon Reintegration Program event. One of the
best ways to learn about benefits and entitlements your family is eligible for as
a result of your spouse’s service in the National Guard Is to attend a local
Yellow Ribbon Reintegration Program event. Find a event near you on
the events listing.
- Rely on your State/Territory support program staff. The National
Guard Bureau sponsors a number of programs to support Service members and their
Families. Peruse the program sites available through the Joint
Services Support (JSS) System, and locate your state/territory staff in
the JSS Resource Finder.
- Get connected. Write, email or send care packages to your loved
one to help you feel connected while they’re away. For your own support, social
networks are a great way to find other military spouses who may be experiencing
the same things you are. The JSS system offers a number of tools and features that
help you get connected, including forums, resource directories, and groups features.
Join JSS or [get more information].
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How to Support Your Loved One
If your Service Member is showing signs of emotional distress, help is available.
Call your
Director of Psychological Health and, in the meantime, follow these basic
tips:
-
- Be sensitive to your Service member’s desire to discuss what they experienced during
their deployment.
- If they do want to talk, be a patient, receptive listener.
- Encourage your partner to seek the counsel of a trusted advisor, spiritual leader,
or respected peer/family member.
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